Well, not exactly.  But I came the closest ever to walking out at work…and I let others know that this was how I felt.  It was a really rough and stressful day where I basically came under attack.  I felt as though I was being accused of doing something wrong…or at least trying to hide something.  None of this came from people at work, but from outsiders.  Outsiders who have no idea as to the scope of work I have to deal with day in and day out.  I’m at the point where I just can’t do any more.

My title is Comptroller, but I just don’t have enough time available to perform any of the tasks of an actual comptroller.  What I actually do is bookkeeping, so I’ve suggested my title be changed to just that–Bookkeeper.  I don’t really care what title is on my business card.  I just want others to understand what my actual daily responsibilities entail and to understand why many things just don’t happen.  I am facing criticism for not doing a multitude of tasks–but would face even more criticism from my coworkers if they didn’t get paid on time, or from vendors if their bills were not paid.  And so I do as much as possible, trying to be sure I complete the most important things.

I am the one who does most of the work for Accounts Payable, Payroll and General Ledger entries…in addition to various miscellaneous tasks depending on what day it is!  I’ve been promised the help of an administrative assistant for almost 2 years.  Last summer I was able to hire Chris (friend of Patrick) who seemed to be learning well, but wasn’t exactly what another person on staff wanted.  Since she would be using him part-time, he was let go–with little concern as to how this would affect me.  Now I have another staff member who is doing data entry for me, but not really assuming responsibility for Accounts Payable, which is the ultimate goal.  She doesn’t really want to do this, and after 6 months it is clear that she is not the right person for this job.  As a result, I spend almost as much time as I previously did processing all the payments each week.

After today’s unbelievable stress, I got very little accomplished.  I brought a bunch of stuff home and will see if I can make some headway here.  And next week I’m shutting down my office to all outsiders.  My phone message will say that I am away from the office, my door will be closed and I will put a sign on the door that says “Do Not Disturb.”  I will attend no staff meetings and will hole up doing only the things that I haven’t had time to do.  Payroll isn’t due again until the following week, and I will give my admin asst helper only a limited number of bills to enter and will hold all the rest until the following week.  Maybe shutting down and being unavailable for the countless problem-solving tasks will force others to figure things out on their own–or understand that I really do need some help.

I just know that I can’t go on like this much longer.  Quitting would not be something I want to face right now.  However, having to defend myself against accusatory comments ruins any and all good feelings I have about this job.  After doing this job for 11 years, one person is making waves based on experiences in the corporate world, in my opinion.  Non-profits are not the same as (as we call it) “the real world.”  I work my butt off more than anyone I know in the same kind of job…and I make considerably less money than others doing the same type work.  I’ve always said that I don’t care.  I’ve loved the job and felt I was doing something worthwhile, not just accounting for someone else’s money.  And I appreciate the vacation time, holidays and good benefits.  When days like today happen, though, I begin to doubt whether I made the right decision.

Ultimately I think everything will work out and I will stay until I retire a number of years from now.  But if it doesn’t I can always sell my house, leave So.Cal, buy a cheaper house in another part of the country and get a job at Starbucks…or Wal-Mart…or whatever.